Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Its been a long time

Salam & Hi!

Its been too long since I blogged that I find my typing skills are getting slooowww-er. Have tried to log in to my Blogger account a few days ago but failed. I thought Blogger is punishing me for my silence which is almost...mute, but; to my surprise it was not so!!! *phewww* Just realised that my online diary from my yester-years is too precious to be thrown away.. hahah! 

So yeah, things have changed. I have changed. You, him, her, us, we, every other living thing changes over time. That is what being alive is all about, isn't it? 

Where am I now? 

Alhamdulillah, Facebook status changed to 'married'. Yes. Bye-bye virgin years! :D On a long distance marriage and spend most weekends hitting the road seeing my husband here or there.

Got to where I worked my ass off for the last 5 years in that 'destitute place i have to call home' and actively plucking people's teeth.

Currently, having a white coat-blue eyed-male cat as a pet together with his lawfully wedded female feline and 3 kittens fresh from the oven. So yeah, you can call it a full house.

That pretty much is a summed up-summary of my 3 years of not blogging. Haha! I've regained my precious online diary of rants and babble.

So yeah, I'm backkk.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012


Salam & Hello.
Yet another road traffic accident. Hmmm.
p/s: Iman, if u're reading is, i apologize siap-siap for not telling you.

On the 29th day after the bus accident, Masliana and i got into another road accident. it was not even a month after our first one. kali ini bagi saya, lebih menakutkan.

the story starts with Mas who needs to go to ICICI Bank to bank in a sum of money into Mr. Ajaaz's account. fyi, Mr. Ajaaz is a travel agent whom Mas had hired to plan her family holiday trip to Kashmir last June.

i was posted in Pedodontics Department for a month that time in a department well known for 'Sign&Go'. being a 'signing intern' means that i just have to appear in the department at 9a.m. and 2p.m. everyday for attendance and i am free to go. nothing other than that. i'm jobless, really bored and have ample of time for almost everything.

so i accompanied Mas on that very day.

we got out of the house around 10.30a.m. on that tuesday morning. as usual, Mas was riding her KA17Y1522 red honda dio scooter, and i was the pillion rider. being a pillion rider basically means that u'll be taking the back seat, not having to drive and you will be entrusted to hold whatever belongings that the driver carry. that is my job for that day, carrying Mas's yellow bag.

the bank was situated in PB Road here in Davangere. i remembered the road to be very busy on that day. there were lorries, buses, cars, auto rickshaws, motorbikes, people, bull cart & etc. i would rather be stuck in Malaysia's traffic jam like a hundred times more compared to being stuck in the jam here. u will never see a way out! it's too congested. anything can come your way. paling takut kena whiplash dengan tali cemeti orang yang bawak bull cart tu. fuhhh. 

the traffic light was red and we were reaching a crossroad about 10 Metres ahead of us. on our right was 'another' Ashok Leyland lorry and up ahead, on the left was a black honda activa near the traffic light and was oriented slunting instead of going straight.

everything occurs the second the traffic light turned green. the lorry starts to move slowly, the weird black honda activa suddenly revs up and came in our way. Mas had to make an emergency brake to avoid carshing into the activa, and since there were sand on the tarmac, we skidded in front and under the lorry which was about to move.

the moment i opened my eyes, i realized that i was already under the lorry. i quickly pulled myself out from there. as i got to my feet, i saw Mas was face down, arms and legs stretched long and she was lying exactly in front of the lorry's left front tyre. the width of the tyre spans as long as her rib cage to her waist, and she started to shout. the tyre was so huge macam tayar treler Malaysia and it appears to me like half of her body was already beneath it AND the tyre is already rolling!!! memang betul-betul ingat dia dah kena gelek dengan tayar lori.

saya pon mula melompat-lompat di tepi lori Ashok Leyland seperti orang hilang arah. menjerit sekuat hati mengharapkan driver lori akan pusing ke arah saya. "bhaiyya! bhaiyya! reverse! reverse!" untuk beberapa kali sambil menghayun tangan memberi isyarat. Alhamdulillah, jeritan batin yang amat dahsyat itu didengari dan lori pon berundur. She was just inches away. Allahuakbar. i cannot describe how grateful i am that He had saved her that day.

i actually thought that Mas abdomen was right next to the tyre that time. rupa-rupanya tidak. beg kuning Mas yang saya pegang sewaktu berada di atas motor terselit antara badan dan tayar lori. how did it get there? mungkin tercampak exactly to that particular place. Wallahu'alam.

that yellow bag was a duplicate long champ bag she bought with me in Malaysia, made out of waterproof material. in it were some documents, passport, cash and a leather purse. beg tu memang hancur teruk. daripada pusingan tayar lori yang baru nak masuk gear satu tu je, purse kulit Mas hancur sampai ke dalam. segenggam duit untuk dimasukkan dalam account Mr. Ajaaz hancur. rupa macam kertas masuk washing machine. yang tinggal hanya passport malaysia. hmmm.

This purse was in the 'yellow bag'.

nampak simple, tapi Allahuakbar, there's a reason why the bag got there.

selepas lori berundur, i immediately got to Mas and hugged her like anything. i was just inches away from losing her back there. takutnya ya Allah. takut sangat. sangat sangat. i don't think i'm that strong to bear the thought in case things happen in front of my eyes there and then. na'uzubillah min zalik.

a big big big relieve when she can stand and walk. slowly, we moved to the road side. bystanders started to surround us. sesak gile. some helped to lift the bike to the side and there was a traffic police on duty. i really can't think at all that time. menggeletar satu badan. nak nangis, nak jerit. Mas was the one who asked me to make a phone call to a friend whom is a doctor, asking him to come to the hospital. hadoi. teruk aku ni.

Laceration wound up to dermis.

Healing laceration.

the bike was left to the police and the two of us took an auto rickshaw to the Bapuji Hospital. Mas suffered deep lacerations approximating the size of an emergency kit on her stomach with its depth traversing all the way to the dermis. i reckon she got it because she was thrown from the bike and skidded on the sandy tarmac. the labcoat and the polo tee she was wearing at that time were torn. Alhamdulillah, ultrasound shows no internal organ damage and no bony factures though she can barely walk. she also has muscle inflammation on the lower left side of the abdomen that lasted upto today, chipped lateral incisior, cuts on her lips, and bruises elswhere. Mas had to go and have her dressing changed every once in 3 days for period of a month and a half after the accident.

'ingatkan accident bas tu dah cukup menakutkan, rupa-rupanya yang ini lagilah...'

rasa macam cukup besar ujian kali ni.

but, this is still considered minimal compared to what Muslims in other places are experiencing.  for me, 2 accidents in a month time is enough to wipe me off. I just can't imagine how they can cope with a huge amount of fear every single day. baru dengar bunyi pintu dihempas kuat, dah menggelabah. belum lagi dengar bunyi dentuman bom disana sini. how i am faint hearted. weakling.

Abu al-‘Abbas ‘Abdullah bin ‘Abbas, radiyallahu anhuma, reported: One day I was behind the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wasallam, and he said to me:
"O young man, I shall teach you some words [of advice] : Be mindful of Allah, and Allah will protect you. Be mindful of Allah, and you will find Him in front of you. If you (have need to) ask, ask of Allah; and if you seek help, seek help from Allah. Know that even if the Nation (or the whole community) were to gather together to benefit you with something, they would not benefit you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded for you, and that if they gather together to harm you with something, they would not be able to harm you with anything except that which Allah has already recorded against you. The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried."
[Al-Tirmidhi relates this and says: It is a good, genuine Hadith]
In a version other than that of al-Tirmidhi it reads:
"..Be mindful of Allah, you will find Him before you. Get to know Allah in prosperity and He will know you in adversity. Know that what has passed you by was not going to befall you; and that what has befallen you was not going to pass you by. And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship."

whenever tested, or given a dose of 'vaccine', we have to always remember that though injections are painful. it meant no harm. it is for the good and He knows best. He knows what we do not know.

Always always come back to Him.

Saturday, June 30, 2012


Salam & Hello.
This is my true story.

Davangere - Bangalore.

Bangalore (Bengaluru) is the nearest city situated 167 Miles / 269 Kms away from davangere and the journey takes about 4-5 hours. it as a norm for davangere students to travel to bangalore on weekends or public holidays to get their shopping spree done, find good food which obviously do not exist in davangere, watch movies at an air-conditioned cinemas davangere only has the ones which are still using fans. ehem. and basically just to unwind and to breathe a lil' bit of fresh air. 

this is where my friends and i went to last february of 2012 for a 3 days and 2 nights trip. we took a bus to and fro with the tix costing us 250 rupees per way. booked 2 rooms in the hotel and crashed in. this bangalore trip seems like the ones we had before, until it is actually not.

on the early morning of 21st February 2012, we were involved with a road traffic accident on our way back to davangere. the bus that we got on crashed into the back of a 'goods carrier lorry' lori yang besar amat used for long distance logistics of goods. also known as 'lori ashok leyland'. the accident took place 6 Kms from davangere at about 4.30a.m.

we were in deep sleep or at least i was considering it was 4.30 in the morning, and after a full day of loitering the streets of bangalore, all we can think of doing once we got onto the bus was to get a good sleep.

saya tidur mati. seperti biasa. didn't realize anything at all until i was woken up by Mar who was sitting on my left, beside her was the window.  
"m wan bangun bangun... kite accident,"
saya masih separa sedar dengan mata yang berat amat nak buka.
"specs aku pecah,"
terkejut. akhirnya membuka mata dengan luas. terdiam. the first thing i saw in front of me was Mar holding up her frameless glasses which was broken into two halves in the middle. i can't quite recall whether it was right or left half and the surrounding was dimly lit. i can barely see only silhouettes.

terdengar suara Masliana. tak ingat dia cakap apa. her seat was on my right across the isle, next to her was Wani who sat next to the window. Wani, like me, just woke up when the accident happened and started to question Mas, "kite kat mana ni kak mas?", "ape yang jadi ni?", "kite bukan balik Malaysia ke?". hearing her muttering those words again and again, made me even more panic stricken, knowing that there's something very wrong.

tiba-tiba terasa macam mukus a.k.a hingus dari hidung kiri. darah rupanya. accident = trauma. betul jugak. meraba dalam gelap mencari tisu bagi pressure untuk kurangkan bleeding. i can feel that the bus was slunting downward and towards the left side. as if we were going downhill. outside the window, i can see the metal railings quite clearly. 'bas ni mesti terbabas langgar railing belah kiri jalan,' so i thought.

dalam suasana yang cemas, saya tersandar di atas kerusi sendiri. menggeletar. apa yang dirasakan pada masa itu, dalam kegelapan dan suara-suara cemas yang hingar-bingar, wallahua'lam. rasa macam nak nangis.

luckily, most of the passengers together with us on the bus that night are medical students. some had started to find the exit. "the door is blocked!" someone shouted. cuak! sebab tengok dalam cerita wayang kes-kes meletup lepas eksiden. harap-harap tidak ada tangki yang bocor dan sebagainya.

Masliana started to make phone calls calling for help. Alhamdulillah, our call was answered and a friends is on the way to pick us up from 'somewhere along the way'.

at the back of the bus, some guys are already breaking the glass window to make an exit route. we picked up our belongings and started to make our way to the back of the bus. we had to climb out of the broken glass window, pulled and jumped onto the stairs of another bus which was parked next to ours, and finally to the ground. memang rasa macam wayang.

sesudah menjejakkan kaki ke tanah, barulah nampak keadaan sebenar. ingatkan hanya sekadar terbabas, rupa-rupanya, ada sebuah lori yang sudah terbalik bawah bas yang kami naiki. bahagian hadapan bas hancur dan ternaik atas lori. terfikir sendiri, 'apa jadi dengan driver?' seat driver memang hancur teruk. semakin kuat getaran tangan. getaran hati, usah dikata.

First photo taken after getting out of the bus.

The impact crushed the driver's seat completely.

Cut extending middle to lower third of my left nostril.

After suturing.

nasib baik ada railing tepi jalan, kalau tak, mungkin bas dah terbalik. kalau bas terbalik, mungkin ramai yang cedera parah, patah tengkuk dan ........
nasib baik takda petrol yang bocor, kalau tak, mungkin meletup.
nasib baik eksiden dekat dengan davangere, senang nak mintak tolong.
nasib baik ada yang sudi menolong.
nasib baik seat kami di tengah bas, kalau duduk depan, mungkin tercampak dan lagi teruk cedera.
nasib baik sekumpulan juniors malaysia dah balik davangere malam sebelumnya, kalau tak ramai lagi eksiden.

not long after we got out of the bus, our friend came with his car and safely took us home.

sesampai di rumah, masuk bilik, ambil wudhu', sembahyang subuh. mula menangis dari takbir yang pertama. banyaaaaaaaaaaaaaak dosa. tapi, Allah masih bagi peluang. 'its not merely just nasib baik, i'm still given the chance to live because of Allah's grace.' layak ke untuk dapat peluang? padahal, sembahyang subuh hujung waktu. burung kat luar pon dah keluar cari makanan. sebesar dosa hamba, besar lagi rahmat Allah, besar lagi kasih sayang Allah. kalau ditakdirkan saya mati pada hari itu, bagaimana saya sekarang?

Alhamdulillah, we survived with only minor injuries. Mar had a cut near her eyes because her glasses broke. Masliana had big bump on her forehead. Mar and Masliana were awake when the bus was 'swaying' so they managed to grab on the handle at the front seat.

as for Wani, she had avulsed maxillary anteriors, chipped off teeth, cuts and bruises of her upper lip and PTS which lasted up to noon. she had tooth splinting done using orthodontic wires and composite restorative material. had to survive on soft diet for upto a month. i had a deep cut in the middle and lower third of my left nostril and got three sutures for it. selama ni suka-suka je inject intraoral LA kat patient untuk cabut gigi, rupa-rupanya kena dekat soft tissues sangat sakit. baru tau!  and of course, headache, bruises on knees and body aches from the impact that contributed to our sluggish movements a few days after the accident. Wani and i most probably hit hard on the handle instead. Disadvantage of being a deep sleeper.

beberapa hari selepas eksiden, kami mendapat berita bahawa driver bas terselamat. dia sempat melompat keluar dari bas sebelum berlanggar dengan lori. he sustained fractures of the knees and fingers, and teared some tendons. 'hebat jugak defense mechanism dia. he must have thinked and acted in a split second.' terfikir sendiri.

external trauma memang nampak di mata. tapi, internal trauma, Dia saja yang tahu. after this accident, i did not travelled anywhere and stayed put in davangere until the month of May. itu pon sebab perlu ke Bangalore untuk balik Malaysia. seriously, i can't stay in this place for even a month before this. and sekarang lebih suka travel siang dan sudah sukar tidur dalam bas. eheh. lebih berwaspada.

why Allah tested me with this? tested me with life, wayyyyy more valuable than money. this question rang in my head. apabila diuji dengan kehilangan insan yang disayangi pon dah cukup meruntun jiwa, apatah lagi bila diuji dengan nyawa sendiri. berat rasanya. saya rasa sebab Allah tahu saya memang degil dan terkadang lupa, that everything belongs to Him. this serves as a reminder to rectify my purpose of life, and to be hamba yang bersyukur. mesti ingat. mesti ingat. mesti ingat. umur hidup dah ditentukan. tanggungjawab kita untuk manfaatkan masa yang diberikan. adakah rugi atau beruntung akhirnya?

saya selalu dengar cerita orang lain eksiden. tapi, saya terlupa or tak terfikir pon, orang lain pon boleh dengar cerita saya eksiden. 

Friday, June 29, 2012

the one that got away

Syarifah Affibiyah, the lost cat which was sold to us for 3000 rps. brought to Davangere to rumah mafia on the 11th September 2011. even if we pay ten folds the amount of money used to buy her, won't change the fact that she is gone. sobs.

Last seen 29th December 2011.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

2 long years

2 long years. this is how long i have not been blogging.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh 
'peace be unto you and so may be the mercy of Allah and His blessings'

Hello! :)

my life did not just have ups and downs for the past 2 years, but there were u turns, round-abouts and roller costers. but alhamdulillah, all praises to Allah, i'm still given the chance to breathe, learn new things life has to offer, see the faces of the ones i love, and the biggest ni'mah, to still be alive&kickin' muslim.

inshaAllah, ill be graduating this 25th of September 2012. to be officially entitled Dr and hopefully to carry out all the responsibilities entrusted to me. as of now, i'm still finishing the last bit and pieces of my internship days in Preventive&Community Dentistry. the department where i was first posted in during my 3rd year undergraduate years and will be the last department i am posted to before going back to Malaysia for good. *gile sentimental*

through all the hardships of coping with 23 subjects, learning how to deal with people who do not share your opinions, how to deal when there are a lot of differences in life, and not to forget, to be in control of your feelings and thoughts; i would say, i was under a great amount of pressure. i did not only resorted to crying under my duvet in my four walled room, but, my body's immune-system also responded and i fell sick often. got dysentry, eczema, astigmatism, multiple heart breaks, tonsilitis, infections,frequent diarrhoea attacks. u name it.

but i still have to go through it and stand foot.

Allah said:

 "And certainly, We shall test you with something of fear, hunger, loss of wealth, lives and fruits, but give glad tidings to As-Sabirin (the patient). Who, when afflicted with calamity, say: "Truly, to Allah we belong and truly, to Him we shall return.'' They are those on whom are the Salawat (i.e., who are blessed and will be forgiven) from their Lord, and (they are those who) receive His mercy, and it is they who are the guided ones." (Qur'an 2:155-157)

“Allah does not burden any human being with more than he can bear.”  (Qur'an 2:286)

“Verily, along with every hardship is relief” (Qur'an 94:5)

and i was relieved. pergantungan hanya pada Dia. as a believer, i should always remember that He knows best, and He knows what i don't. mungkin tak cantik pada mata saya, tapi sangat cantik pada mata Dia. if all the pressure or i would describe as 'torment' was necessary for me to be who i am now, as his servant, i should abide and kept on praying that He will guide me through.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


pedo isnt really that bad...hehe. a big PHEW! to that. and its ending in another 3 days time. so, hello PERIO. id be scaling and scaling and scaling. hehe. anyone wants their teeth cleaned?

oh yeah, on the last one day break, we went to Innovative Film City & Wonderla, Bangalore. and its wonderful? hehe. so much fun, the rides are crazier and and easily cost you your voice. *dizzy*
anyone up to it again? really feel like going again. after im cured of course. =)

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

205 at last

Im finally back in dvg. sigh. after 3 weeks of heaven, i finally came to rest at room 205 BIH. huhh. the hostel is quite vacant as of now since many are not back yet. someone pls remind me why we r back early again? the weather now is super cozy...and i feel like dozing of now and then...all the time. and coffee...yeah. never got enough of that. =) the classes haven't started yet, but, we do have clinics at 2pm from monday-friday. and im posted in pedodontics...gullllp! the high pitch screams of little kids is a norm whenever i walk down the alley at pedo department. it make me feel a little nervous thinking of how to actually work in there. hehe. i dont really think i have problems with kids, they amazes me...(^_^), but, when they become restless when seeing the masked face of a dentist, the super scary dental chair and the revolting smell of clinics, they just become...different? like starting to hyperventilate and moving each and every muscle possible. im thinking of psychological approach right now. this calls for an emergency. i hope ill survive today's pedo clinics. =|

p/s: since this thursday is a holiday...hmm, what do i do?